The shadows that cling to our tongues are ineffectual
Unable to express anything of worth
I feel my truths slip out into the void
I watch them surrender to fragile minds.
I wish I could make the sun shine out from your eyes
And I wish I could remove the wax from your smiles
But every time the stars travel over the sky
Teeth are grinding against the lips, trying to break through
And none of us is free.
But I’m trying.
- December 22
- , 2011
Take my hand and we’ll dance like thieves
There is a shadow, cast by your wings
I built a den and I filled it with lies
But you teach me with kindness deep in your eyes
And now I can breathe
The red settles and there is comfort in the calm
Negotiate two lives to find our two hands entwined
A dream sets me ablaze
A candle burns my heart
I’ll bring down the skies
And I’ll save you a star
I’ll turn the world round
So we never see it set
You beckon me to beauty and I’ll never forget
Fear takes hold
I’m moved to be still
The abyss lies in wait
To swallow us whole
I’ll build you a bridge
You can walk on my back
I’ll show you a scene
New words for a rat
As the screen lights me up
Music caresses my heart
I’ll bring down the sun
To light up your dark
If you want me to go
We’ll never have met
You beckon me to safety and I’ll never regret
There were days when I was young
When all I knew was me
Now we’re here I feel alive
It’s you, seraphim
Every day starts the same. At least I think that’s right. I never paid attention. I never noticed the world around me, I just let it go past me day by day as I continued the monotonous life that was all I knew. I’d wake up, eat the rations, get showered, dress, walk, trudge, march, arrive, sit, stamp, write, click, file, tick, and there were no birds to sing, sip, tear, clip, tock, music is alien. Every day the same. You spent your whole life doing fuck all and eventually that’s what you become. I can’t even remember what any of the papers said. Maybe it never mattered. Or maybe it did. All the truths I’d known up to that point were just breaths, gulps of air that I swallowed down greedily and blindly, scuttling my way through dark corridors and vacant desks. Were there people there? Gnawing on the corners and warping the wood with their teeth, their little paws scraping on a floor of linoleum as they ran about. I was with them. I was their king. The little sentences that surround us, I conducted their poetry with a flick of the wrist. But it was so empty and lifeless and I was the one hauling the corpse between graves.
An empty bed laid my heart to rest I remember days where the sun washed over us And I remember clouds moving away Whatever’s left sits in silence And now we’re singular But I’m yours forever How do I exist?
There’s a refuge hidden deep in the dirt A small chalk drawing of a tree
Take my hand, I’ll lead you there
Living for days
You have to fight
We’re all victims and you have to save us
We’re baptised in self awareness
And overwhelmed with invasive truths
Fight, I need you to save us
A child’s hope laid down to sleep on the brick
Our lives rationed into small grains of colour
When travelling well lit roads holds no beauty
A cold wind blows
The North is here
Empty eyes dream me the future
Whispers tell me to stop
If you can’t win the fight
If you don’t even try
What hope is there for me?
Oh, these canines tear into my spine
Protruding from these red gums of mine
Leaking out the hot acid to corrupt your skin
Enamel glistens; it dances and dives within
Just let me scream, and I’ll be your king
Elevated from purity to be with the obscene
And what if it was all just rain on my roof?
What if it this is just a new lie to prove?
Swallow my cancer, drink every drop
Write down your lungs, don’t let it stop
What a tragedy, what a call
I mistook this ballad for my vitriol
The first taste displaces the mistakes
A hollow protest left us without taste
Baked dirt fills the empty man’s mouth
He lies with eyes closed and prayers devout
But no fairytale can save a lost faith
And no one can repair what was left to waste
His ship capitulates with its last repairs
He has lost far more than he could ever bear
Swallow my cancer, drink every drop
Write down your lungs, don’t let it stop
What a tragedy, what a call
I mistook this ballad for my vitriol
I had it all, she wanted more
Write down your ghosts, live the furore
We’re all empty, we will all fall
I mistook this ballad for my vitriol
I don’t think I will ever believe
Give me an anchor, I’m slipping away
I never got the chance to perceive
Give me my freedom, I’m losing my pace
Swallow my treatise, burn every piece
Tear out my heart, set it all free
What a disaster, what a fool
I mistook this ballad for my vitriol
I had her all, she took even more
We’re all vapid, we’ve found the wall
I devour the ballad
I’m left with my vitriol
I will dance from inside my grave
The end was nigh, but only for the brave
Mirrored in the glass is a visage
Shattered like the fragile champagne glass
The blushing bride sits on her tower, astride
Watching me from her window, while i try to climb
But she’s lost and boring an empty mine down to it’s core
Those emeralds eviscerate to rapturous applause
I will endure so I can consist of nothing
I will embrace these cold eyes
Can’t you see how I crawl and scream
“Please stop cutting off your wings”
I am an island. I am a fortress. I am a million things.
I am not free. I am not alive. I am not in here.
I feel through a numbness, and my shadow rests in itself
It sits in the dark and it sits with me
It keeps me close and it’s heart reaches out to mine
Little angel, why do you hide?
Wrap me up in your wings
And take me to a desert
Let’s pick flowers all day and never speak a word
I want to roam the empty sands with you
The wind will touch our hollow bones
And it will sing my song for me when I’ve forgotten the words
Sing with it, when there is nothing left
And live my love for me, when my heart peaks its crest.
Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
- Oscar Wilde
My mask is what protects me and keeps me from the bitter snow
Don’t question the façade
Tiny sparrow’s feet have left little traces
I just want to follow them to the sea
And live there forever
- November 28
- , 2010
I’m attempting to write a book. I have to admit it’s a tremendous effort, and even this far in I feel like I’m going just as slowly as I was when I started out 2 years ago. With University hanging over me all the time it’s almost been impossible to find the time and the motivation to sit down and get some decent work done on it. It is just that - work. I love it, completely and absolutely, but to actually create something more than just musings and thoughts, you have to really work at it and construct it.
Anyway, here is a small extract, between the main protagonist and the love interest (I’m aware how cliché that is but in the novel I like to think it’s not done in a completely unoriginal way):
